and in the matter of becoming a savior for young people…

there is a line of distance between us that must be kept.

it is the distance of respect for the capability of another person

danger factors of relationships that are too close include …
power, .
creating and nurturing dependency,
disempowering,
distortion of trust
usurping possibilities of other relationships healthy for personal growth
robbing someone of learning for themselves
damaging other relationships held by either/both
paternalism at its most compassionate point

too helpful is a thing

it takes the ‘helped’ out of their own world and imposes yours
it takes away inspiration and problem solving opportunities and joy of achievement
in the end it defines you as less capable than I
less resourceful than I
less resources than I

it fills my life with your stuff not mine
every day it shows me you are better than I
your confidence does not rub off on me, it depletes me
it repeats how different we are
the pile of what I get from you dwarfs my pile of what I give in return

I become a receiver with no defensive back to interfere with the flow of passes to me
I become a waiter instead of a doer
I lose my sense of timing and response cues to others
I am rehearsed in “waiting for the miracle to come”

I receive what you have imagined, not what I have recognized as necessary for me
your standards imposed make me vascillate and uncertain of mine
the hope of becoming becomes inseparable from you

the surgery to interrupt the process removes so much of me I falter and may be unable to continue
i have few connecting thoughts from my reality to my ability to navigate and create change

you ultimately become the center of my existence;
you are necessary for the success of my day, my aspirations, my decisions

I now compete with others who experience your help
the complexity of this makes me anxious and depressed

my spirit sleeps in its disabled role to inspire and sustain me

i am little more than nothing
no wonder I need you

-M.D

1 Comment

  • Carolyn
    Posted September 13, 2018 9:30 am 0Likes

    I got the basic point of this post after the first read but each time I read it…I get more and more meaning from the words. So very powerful to those who truly want to make a difference in the lives of these young people.

    For me…it would be really valuable to set up a couple of scenarios where it describes the subtle difference between some one actually letting the young person grow on their own or stunting their progress to grow on their own. Is that possible?

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