Suicide Girl Poem

My best friend told me a secret today…
…He was going to hurt himself today…
…He was going to end his life today…
The saddest part
Is that a small piece of me
Had the nerve
To wish that he did…
That’s horrid, I know. But might you ask why?
Simply because, if he were not here right now,
Then I would have the will
To end my own life as well.
Pathetic,
Am I right? 
It’s sad how I am beginning to realize
That I am not still standing here today
For myself.
I am literally breathing
For everyone else. 
I have no intentions to “live a full life”. 
I don’t even have any intentions
To live.
My only intention is to make it through each day
In order to be here for the ones
Whom believe that I am the only one
They really have. 
I live to this day
So that the people I love know
That they have someone
Who will always listen.
I have not the strength
To end my own life.
Per say I did though,
What if I did right now? 
Then let’s say that my friend, who puts
All of his problems and insecurities into
A spoon and burns them to the point where
He can hardly recognize them anymore
To then command the narrow beak
Of his beloved syringe to inhale his liquidated substance;
Devouring it with ease.
He works his veins to show themselves
Once more again
Before he plunges thy very same beak
Deep within his arm,
And with one push the burning sensation of
The monster which he created attacks every cell through out
His blood stream; he
Can feel no pain at all! 
He has the courage to do anything again! 
So he decides to use that courage to do as I, 
And with one breath
He breaths the risk,
And with that exhale
He releases an almost-beautiful
ribbon of silk
About as red as a precious lovers
Luscious lips,
Or the wine he drank to the
thought of her.
That ribbon flows into a gown,
Leaving his skin as pale
As the December snow
Without even a note to explain why. 
They’ll ask what pushed him over the edge,
And I wonder who else –
Other than he and I –
Would see that it was the ending of me
That surely pushed him to death.
Do you understand now,
Why one might live their life
Despite seeing there to be
Nothing to live for? 
I will close my eyes to rest tonight,
And tomorrow should I regain sight
I will only move forward for
you.


Z.N
 

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